Connecting the Dots: Values-Based Coaching

A few years ago, a new coaching client came to me frustrated and perplexed.

“I have set the same revenue goal three years in a row,” she explained, “and for some reason, I’ve never met it. I know I can do it and I think I’m doing the right things, but I just can’t seem to reach it!”

You’ve probably heard similar comments from clients and perhaps have experienced this frustration yourself. You set a proper goal, create the action plan, line up your support, and get moving. But instead of celebrating its achievement at year-end, you’re left flummoxed, wondering what went wrong. Discouraging, to say the least.

So, what’s missing?

I’ve found the disconnect often comes down to one crucial area: values. Either we’re not clear on our values or we operate, often unknowingly, in ways that don’t align with them. Setting a revenue goal and going at it with an “I’m unstoppable!” attitude is great – unless your actions conflict with your core values.

As coaches, we have an extraordinary opportunity to help people get in touch with their core values. When they gain that clarity and sense of purpose, seemingly everything becomes easier: making decisions, choosing next steps, recognizing sooner when they’re off-track. The confidence and fulfillment that come with living and working in alignment with their values allows them to flourish with meaning and purpose.

I have my clients conduct a values clarification very early in our coaching partnership. Not only does this allow them to start connecting the dots to their success more clearly, it allows me to coach them in accordance with their values. In over twelve years in business, I have found this to be one of the top factors in meaningful success.

You can clarify your values in a number of ways. A quick Google search of “values clarification exercises,” for example, led to nearly half a million hits. Like all internet searches, however, some tools prove better than others! A few of my favorites:

• Narrow + Walk + Narrow: This begins with a large list of values and the reassurance to your client – who will probably think, “But these are all important!” – that yes, they are all important, but they can’t all be the most important to you. I have my clients narrow the list down to 15 or so top values, then step away for a while; I actually encourage them to go for a walk at this time. They then come back with fresh eyes and can hone in on their core values – a powerful and liberating experience.
• Peak Experiences: Little compares to learning from our own experiences, and our highlight moments are steeped in values. Ask your client to identify two or three such moments – times when they felt truly “in the zone” and on purpose – then mine them for values and look for patterns.
• Objective Tools: The researcher in me wants to know that any assessments I use are backed by research and grounded in theory. Two that can open the values conversation in an objective but personalized way include the StrengthsFinder and the VIA (Values In Action) Survey. Both are supported by years of research and have been utilized by millions of people.

Once they’ve landed on their core values, encourage your clients to “try them on” for a while. Examine how they play out in various situations, see if they feel right. They are not written in stone; if they don’t quite fit, play with the exercises a bit more or bring a different value into the mix and see how that resonates.

On a side note, it’s imperative as coaches that we know our core values as well. Knowing what matters to you most gives you a level of self-awareness important to your coaching, work, and life in general. In the example at the start of this article, values clarification became a defining factor in my client’s revenue goal. By discerning her core values, she realized that not only had she worded her goal in a way that felt out of whack with her values, she was unmotivated by the focus on a dollar amount (even though the revenue was important). Through our coaching work, she redefined her goal, lined it up with her core values, got to work…and experienced her best year, financial and otherwise, in all her years of business to date.

Most importantly of all, she flourished in a way that felt authentic, meaningful, and streamlined. Success on purpose is the best kind of success!