The Dark Side of Coaching: Helping People Repress their Authentic Self
In 1990, a seminal paper by William Kahn first introduced the concept of employee engagement as the degree of psychological identification employees have with their work roles: the more they feel that their job-related persona is emblematic of their wider self-concept, the more enthusiastic (and in turn productive) they will be at work. Conversely, those who experience a significant psychological distance between their work role and their identity will be less motivated, less productive, and more likely to feel alienated and burned out. In other words, finding meaning and purpose at work is largely dependent on the perceived degree of authenticity that your job allows. If what you do at work is consistent with your values, motives and needs, you will enjoy it more and be better at it.
Other forms of authenticity, however, are far less beneficial. Consider the popular “just be yourself” mantra, so often prescribed by the self-help industry, in an attempt to relieve people of the social pressures of impression management and self-monitoring. Despite the intuitive appeal of this advice, promoted as a liberating antidote to conformity and the prejudiced opinions that others form on us, it is rather irresponsible to encourage people to ignore what others think of them. There are two main reasons for this.
First, reputation is king. Indeed, we are all hired, fired and promoted on the basis of what others think of us, rather than what we think of ourselves. Sadly, egos can be self-fulfilling, which is why so many people with deluded self-views manage to deceive others into thinking that they are more competent than they actually are. Yet, such instances still highlight the power of reputation, and, in any event, if your main strategy for getting ahead in life is to think highly of yourself, you will sooner or later be found out. Needless to say, we all know many people who would benefit from understanding that they are not as talented as they think, which simply entails aligning their self-views with other people’s views of them.
Second, when we are not constrained by social desirability or etiquette, most of our behaviors are actually quite undesirable. Think about how people act when they are angry, under stress, or drunk at the office party—think about Anthony Weiner or Donald Trump. The person we are when we are “just being ourselves” is a person most people will struggle to like, which is why every high-stakes interaction with others (e.g., job interview, business meeting, public presentations, etc.) requires us to not be ourselves. Clearly, our close relatives, friends and partners may like us for who we “really are,” or at least they have learned to put up with that version of us. They have access to our uncensored selves and know our naked persona in a way our work colleagues and acquaintances don’t, but there is no real reason to believe this should change. In fact, as Freud (and Schopenhauer before him) pointed out the essence of civilization is the ability to inhibit our selfish, individualistic and short-term impulses so that it is easier for others to tolerate us. And we expect exactly the same of others, unless they are narcissists, psychopaths or children.
In that sense, a critical goal of coaching is to help individuals repress their authentic selves. Not by focusing on their strengths or bright side, but by attending to their derailers or dark side. As I highlight in my latest book, one of the biggest challenges organizations face today is that their most valuable employees are often also the most problematic ones. That is, talent often coexists with counterproductive and undesirable features, such as greed, arrogance, reckless risk-taking and other antisocial tendencies—think not only of Sepp Blatter, Dominic Strauss-Kahn and Bernie Madoff, but also of Walt Disney, Henry Ford and Steve Jobs. Although these dark side tendencies harm individuals’ ability to get along and get ahead in the workplace, they are often rewarded in toxic organizational cultures, which allow parasitic individuals and free riders to rise. But, their success comes at the expense of the organization.
Thus, no matter how much talent you have, well-designed coaching interventions will make you more effective by helping you understand how you impact others. This means internalizing feedback on your reputation, and inhibiting counterproductive behaviors, so that your reputation improves. In short, the success of coaching interventions depends on their ability to highlight your dysfunctional habits and help you replace your authentic self with a better version of you. Some people are obviously quite charming and likable even when they are acting naturally and spontaneously—but they are the exception, rather than the rule. For the remaining majority of us, coaching should help. Meanwhile, we should be better off assuming that we have not yet earned the right to be ourselves.
Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic
Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, Ph.D., serves as Hogan Assessments’ chief executive officer and is an international authority in psychological profiling, consumer analytics and talent management. Representing Hogan at conferences worldwide, Tomas is also a professor of Business Psychology at University College and Columbia University and has previously taught at New York University and the London School of Economics. For more information, please visit www.hoganassessments.com.
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This article seems to be based on the idea that a person’s true self equals their dark tendencies and therefore must stay hidden from their social persona. But what if one’s true self was that part of them that contains their talent and their own unique way of sharing it with the world? What if their creativity came from that? What if?! Wouldn’t that mean that the author of the article only suggests that a person squelches that precious side of themselves in order to fit in?!
Expressing your authentic self in the world does not equal being selfish and ignorant of your impact on those around you. On the contrary, by being your true self you have more to give and have a more positive impact in the world.
“”This article seems to be based on the idea that a person’s true self equals their dark tendencies”
No, it doesn’t.
I read through the article and although I do not agree with it I thank the author for their opinion. Being on the other end of that judgment I have come to realize that I didn’t need to be repressed what I needed to do was clear my fear of change and doing something different to extract myself from a negative environment.
When you hire an employee you hire them to be themselves and perform a service that you desire. You do not hire them to make them different than they are and force them to conform to standards they did not agree with.
I have come to learn that the problem behind that are based on learned beliefs from both management and the employee being in conflict with each other. If we let go of the need to judge another individual and learn to encourage them in a positive manner the outcome is a positive environment and a positive workflow. References are there for us to learn from and not to repeat the behaviors and beliefs because they were ineffective when they were written.
I have actually found it an invaluable tool to practice daily grounding techniques and let other peoples energies just go. I also clear the learned negative adjective emotions as I learned to define them in my space. Personal energy attracts similar personal energies. If you truly want to see a positive result one has to let go of the conditions placed on the outcome and in this case it’s changing someone else and not recognizing where we can only change ourselves.
I quite found this post irrelevant to coaching. The article is written from a psychologic point of view where there is a need to fix people. Coaching is not about fixing people but rather to help well-developped people to move forward in life. This article maintains the confusion a lot of persons are doing between coaching & psychology !!!
Respectfully (and I write this as someone “certified” on the Hogan instruments suite), I find this perspective to be a crock of nonsense.
Way to many organizations are still using coaching as a weapon to target “problem” employees and clearly the author’s perspective plays right into this trap.
When are the consultants of the world going to realize they are doing more harm than good by espousing this nonsense about “repressing their authentic selves”?
Why did the ICF marketing team blog editors feature this on the ICF blog?
Is Hogan a sponsor? This perspective is inconsistent with what we stand for as coaches in the world.
With all my best,
Chris Padgett, PCC
Past President, ICF Ohio Valley
Hello Chris, Thank you for taking the time to comment. Hogan Assessments is an ICF Business Solutions Partner. All submitted content is equally considered for publication on the ICF Blog. The ICF Blog is a forum used to exhibit thought leadership and diverse perspectives. Please note that the views and opinions expressed in guest posts featured on this blog are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the opinions and views of ICF. The publication of a guest post on the ICF Blog does not equate to an ICF endorsement or guarantee of the products or services provided by the author.
As the poet E. E. Cummings wrote, “The greatest battle we face as human beings is the battle to protect our true selves from the self the world wants us to become.”
It has left us in a quandary.
In the spirit of disruptive coaching,
the masks we wear as humans takes great strength, courage and fortitude.
Let us view an alternative perspective.
Just as we thrive in business with situational leadership; let us thrive in business with situational masks.
The key is to know when to unmask and when to mask-up; which mask to wear and which mask to take off.
Unmask the masks we wear in order to use them to help us lead in different situations.
Now that might be a role for us coaches.
Shaneen, I respectuflly disagree about the need for “situational masks” and I believe you may be confused. These “masks” that you and the author describe, are what is creating many of the problems in a world filled with increasing amounts of pretense, platitudes, and hypocrisy. Situational leadership? Yes. Masks? Oh, no.
I think you’re confused about what e.e. cummings meant by that quote.
He also said, “To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else – means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”
While situational leadership is always needed and boundaries are always needed, a leader who is choosing to wear “masks” doesn’t know him or herself very well at all. This world needs people to remove their masks and as cummings said, “be yourself.”
Coaching brings to life — authenticity, nuance, and the truth. This is what coaches bring to in individuals, leaders, organizations, and systems. And this world needs a heckuva lot more of it and a heckuva lot less of the “masks” the author writes about in this post.
Chris Padgett, PCC
Louisville, KY, USA
I tend to agree greatly with the message this article seeks to put across. It explains at length about the fact that people tend to generally be more productive in jobs where they feel that their work is in coordination with their personalities. If they feel that the work they are required to do is in conflict with their self-perception, self-image or ethics, then the productivity significantly goes down and that hurts the future of the company. Therefore, it is best to assign tasks to employees, which would give them a chance to express and employ their best qualities.
On the flip side, being encouraged to act ‘authentic’ could also encourage people to disregard acceptable social norms and limits, which is completely undesirable. Overall, this article does a good job of presenting both sides to the coin.
Loved your content Tomas, very well-written!
If you want to live a fulfilling life, you must first find out who you truly are. This is a long process and something that takes searching before discovering. Finding your true self does not happen when you’re stuck in fear, disconnected, and with no action course. This article A Guide to Finding Your True Self will help you uncover your true identity to start unearthing your passions, values, desires, and motivations.
Continuously act naturally, put yourself out there, have confidence in yourself, don’t go out and search for a fruitful character and copy it.