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Shifting Into High Gear

Posted by Cynthia Loy Darst, MCC | February 11, 2014 | Comments (4)

“I don’t get it!” my client exclaimed. “Using metaphor is really hard for me. It is just not the way my brain is wired.”

“Really? You just used a couple of metaphors right there,” I responded.

“What are you talking about?”

“’Really hard.’ That’s a metaphor. While speaking in metaphor might be challenging or difficult for you, I’m guessing that you cannot show me the place that using metaphor is ‘hard.’ And, by the way, unless I’m mistaken, I don’t think your brain actually has wires in it.”

Metaphors, analogies and similes are so woven into our daily language that we often don’t even notice when we use them. They range from using one word in a metaphorical way to coming up with an entire scenario. For example, we might say, “Monique has a sunny personality.” Just that one word—sunny—gives us an immediate impression of Monique.

ICF Core Competency No. 7, “Direct Communication,” calls on us to use metaphor and analogy in our conversations with clients, and for good reason. Figurative language facilitates a productive—even transformative—coaching conversation by provoking our imagination, unlocking creativity and simulating resourcefulness. Metaphors create powerful images and invite energetic and emotional awareness. They allow us to find more than the logical, linear way that the left side of our brain has established as “the truth” and open a “dream door” for new information to enter into our thinking. Only with new information entering into the mix, and into our brain, can we look at a situation or challenge in a fresh way.

Over the past 19 years, I have trained more than 1,000 people in coaching skills. During that time, I have heard several variations of the same question: “Why should I use metaphor with clients who are factual, literal, linear thinkers?” (The subtext I always hear in this question—the asker’s voice tinged with nervousness and a bit of judgment—is, “Won’t I sound silly if I use metaphor?”)

My answer: We should use metaphor and other figurative language because our clients are really smart. When someone brings a topic to coaching, it is often because she is challenged by it. If she could have figured it out using the logical side (the left side) of her brain, she already would have done it. Our clients come to coaching to think in different ways, to have ideas opened up and to explore. In order to do that, we need to invite the right side of the brain to the party.

So, when do you use metaphor in coaching? In my experience, metaphor is useful in helping clients get a clearer picture of where they are right now and helping them imagine where they are going in the future.

Picturing It

If my client says to me, “I’m in such a rut,” this says a lot.

Thanks to this vivid image, she doesn’t have to spend our entire conversation telling me the details of her current relationships to her husband, her boss, her mother and her body. Instead, we can go straight to working with the metaphor in service of a bigger-picture conversation.

Indeed, the rest of my conversation with the client who was “in a rut”—and who just happened to be a linear, left-brained thinker—went something like this:

Coach: You just said you were in a “rut.” May we try something that might seem kind of weird? It’s meant to open up your thinking and stimulate both the right and left sides of your brain to work together. What do you think?
Client: OK, sure. Sounds interesting.
Coach: So, take a moment and let yourself fully imagine that rut. What does it look like?
Client: Well, it’s kind of deep and muddy. I’m really stuck. I keep spinning my wheels trying to get out but instead I just keep getting more and more stuck.
Coach: Like you are driving a car and you’ve gotten stuck in a rut?
Client: Yes. It feels like I’m caught and can’t get away!
Coach: As you speak, I’m noticing a nervous feeling. Is that part of it?
Client: Yes. I feel nervous and frustrated.
Coach: Yeah, I feel it too. (pause) What else are you aware of here?
Client: It’s dark. I keep getting out of the car to look at the rut, and then get back in the car and try to get out.
Coach: I’m getting this image of you going back and forth between the car and the rut —over and over again. (pause) What are you finding out?
Client: I’m trying hard, but it’s not working. I need to get some help—flag someone down or call for a tow truck.
Coach: OK, what’s happening now?
Client: I’m calling for a tow truck.
Coach: Sounds like a good idea.
Client: The truck is here. They are pulling my car out.
Coach: That was fast! Let’s pause for a moment and check in: What are you discovering with this metaphor?
Client: I’m realizing that I’ve been making myself crazy and getting frustrated trying to do this alone. It’s time to ask for help.

From here, it is easy to shift into brainstorming and creating her plan to move forward; however, it’s important to stay connected with the metaphor so that the ‘rut’ doesn’t just take over. As a homework structure, she might put an image of a tow truck on her computer screen to remind her to ask for help or to check in with the metaphor from time to time.

Although this client came to me with a specific set of in-the-moment concerns, tapping into the idea of the rut allowed us to work above and beyond how she was feeling that day. None of the circumstances changed—her husband, her boss, her mother and her body all remained as they were before our conversation—but the way that she was being in relationship to these circumstances shifted entirely. Her anxiety and frustration were diminished, and help was on the way.

Charting a Course

A recent read-through of some journal entries I made several years ago reinforced for me metaphor’s ability to help us determine next steps. In November 1997, I took on the role of chair for the next year’s ICF Conference. My early journal entries from this time reflect my excitement—as well as my understandable anxiety—over leading up such a significant effort.

Then, just two months before the conference, two of my committee chairs stepped down. Cue the panic. Fortunately, I was able to work with my coach to develop a metaphor that reframed the entire situation: “The conference is like a huge ship,” I wrote in my journal. “We’ve been moving quickly for months, but now we are nearing land. As the captain of the ship, it’s important that I slow things down as we move into port so that we don’t hit the rocks, wreck the ship or hurt any passengers.”

It was easy for me to translate that metaphor into a plan. I stopped and took time to clarify all of the event details and record them on a master calendar and checklist. I reconnected with my ‘crew,’ making sure that everyone knew their job as we came into port. The panic was gone, my purpose and path were clear, and in that moment, it felt easy. The nautical metaphor had given me a new understanding of the tasks at hand and though my to-do list was no shorter, my approach had changed entirely. That’s transformation, and I got there through the power of metaphor.

So, go have fun! Keep your ears peeled and let yourself play and explore with your clients! To use another one of my favorite metaphors—that of coaching as panning for precious metals—that’s where the gold is.

Cynthia Loy Darst

Cynthia Loy Darst, MCC

Cynthia Loy Darst, MCC, began her coaching career in 1992 and founded The Inspiration Point in 1997. Known as a passionate pioneer in the coaching industry, Cynthia is inspiring and playful, working with her clients to move past limitations and into action. Cynthia was once named “One of the Top 10 Most Influential Coaches in the U.S.” Cynthia served as president of the Association of Coach Organizations (ACTO) in 2012–2013. In addition, she was instrumental in starting the International Coach Federation (ICF) in 1995 and was the first ethics chair of the Professional & Personal Coaches Association (which later merged with ICF). An ICF Master Certified Coach, Cynthia is on the faculty of The Coaches Training Institute (CTI) and CRR Global. Based in Los Angeles, Cynthia maintains a full roster of private clients, including corporate executives, entrepreneurs, writers and people in the entertainment industry.

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Comments (4)

  1. Sara Smith says:

    What I love about being a coach are the nuances of our work. Cynthia, you’ve articulated the elegance of language and story. When I learned about metaphors in coach training I wielded them like a club. My metaphors were large, staged and obvious. With practice, I began to understand the subtleties of a word or phrase. It was beginning to recognize and use the light touch (rather than the sledge hammer) metaphors was instrumental in my maturing as a coach. I moved from “doing coaching” to being a coach. Thanks for this, Cynthia! There is always more to be learned.

  2. Beautiful! Thanks, Sara!

  3. I love this – thank you. I am relatively new to the coaching world and really appreciated the visual and walk-through of what exploring that metaphor deeper can look like, and how that can shift everything for a client. I am still unlearning “problem solving” and stepping into deeper ways of exploring things with my clients.

  4. Mary W. Crow says:

    Fascinating insights into the power of language in how we think and act. The words we choose and images we conjure are powerful agents in transformation. Appreciate the post!

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