Why Coaching Works: The Psychological Nutrients That Feed Flourishing

Where I’m from, many people still view coaching as woo-woo. Someone once told me, “X considered becoming a coach but didn’t because of all the quacks out there.” True, the quacks are there, but what makes professional coaching facilitate profound shifts? The answer is rooted in human psychology, not quackery.

If you’re considering working with a coach, what exactly makes them effective? Think of coaching like tending a garden. Plants need specific nutrients — nitrogen, phosphorus, and potassium — to flourish, just as humans need three essential psychological nutrients that fuel growth and well-being.

Self-Determination Theory, developed by researchers Edward Deci and Richard Ryan at the University of Rochester, identifies autonomy, competence, and relatedness as fundamental human needs. When coaching addresses these needs, transformation isn’t just possible; it’s inevitable — at least for people who are open and ready for the process.

The Three Psychological Nutrients That Feed Human Potential

1. Autonomy. The Freedom to Choose Your Path

Autonomy isn’t just about independence or going at it all alone — it’s about your actions coming from your own choice rather than external pressure. It’s the difference between being the driver of your car versus being a passenger. Even when following GPS directions, the driver still chooses the route that feels right and how fast to go.

Skilled coaches foster your autonomy by asking questions rather than giving advice. When your coach asks, “What feels most important to you right now?” or “What would you do if you knew you couldn’t fail?” they’re not just gathering information — they’re inviting you to reconnect with your inner compass. This process transforms external expectations into personally meaningful choices.

Recent research on what makes coaching effective confirms this: in a study of over 16,000 coaching clients, people consistently identified “asking probing and reflective questions” as one of the most helpful coaching behaviors¹. Why? Because questions preserve your autonomy while creating space for self-discovery. You remain the expert on your own life.

2. Competence. Building Your Capacity to Thrive

Competence is your deep need to feel effective and capable of achieving your goals. It’s not about being perfect — it’s about experiencing growth and mastery, even if the process can be messy. Like a musician practicing scales, competence develops through challenges that stretch you just beyond your current abilities.

Masterful coaches offer what researchers call “optimal challenges” — experiences that are neither too easy (boring) nor too hard (overwhelming), but right in that sweet spot where growth happens. Your coach does this by helping you break down ambitious goals into manageable steps, celebrating small wins, and reframing setbacks as learning opportunities.

When you find yourself saying things like, “I never thought I could do that,” you’re experiencing the satisfaction of competence. This isn’t just feel-good psychology — it’s a fundamental human need that, when met, fuels motivation and resilience.

3. Relatedness. The Power of Authentic Connection

Humans are wired for connection, whether we are extroverts, introverts, or ambiverts. Relatedness is your need to feel valued, understood, and cared for. In coaching, this translates to what researchers call a “trusting environment” — a space where you can openly explore your thoughts and concerns without judgment¹.

What makes coaching relationships unique is that they are both intimate and professional. Your coach creates a deep connection while maintaining appropriate boundaries. It’s like having a skilled dance partner — present, responsive, and supportive, yet not trying to take over your entire life.

Research shows that when you feel this kind of trust and connection with your coach, you’re more likely to take risks, explore complex topics, and commit to meaningful change¹. The coaching relationship becomes a laboratory for practicing new ways of being and doing.

Transformation: Magic or Science?

When all three psychological nutrients are present in your coaching experience, something remarkable happens. You don’t just solve problems or set goals — you begin to see yourself in a different light. You shift from feeling like a victim of your circumstances to recognizing yourself as the author of your own story.

This is why coaching can feel “almost magical,” as many clients describe it. Your coach isn’t just teaching you skills or providing accountability (though those matter too).  

They’re creating conditions where you naturally flourish — conditions that nurture your human capacity for growth and integration.

What to Look For in a Coach

Understanding these psychological nutrients can help you choose the right coach. Look for someone who:

• Honors your autonomy by asking powerful questions rather than telling you what to do; who shares observations and feedback, but checks in on how you see it.
• Supports your competence by helping you identify strengths and create achievable challenges.
• Creates relatedness through genuine presence, empathetic listening, and non-judgmental support.

Pay attention to how you feel after initial conversations. Do you feel clearer about your desires and capabilities? Do you sense genuine care and understanding? Do you feel challenged but not overwhelmed? Do their observations shed light? Is their feedback helpful but not forceful?

The Coaching Invitation

The most profound implication of Self-Determination Theory is this: you already have the capacity for growth, healing, and transformation. A coach isn’t there to fix you (which would imply you’re broken). They don’t have all the answers (which would take away your autonomy). Instead, your coach serves as a gardener of human growth, creating conditions that nurture your natural tendency to flourish.

When you work with a coach who understands these principles, they don’t try too hard to be helpful. They trust your innate wisdom. Coaches offer the psychological nutrients you need to thrive while being curious students of your unique path toward growth.

Coaching is most powerful — not as an intervention or instruction, but as an invitation to remember who you truly are and to realize what you’re truly capable of. In a world that often depletes these essential nutrients, coaching offers something revolutionary: a space where you can experience your full humanity and potential.

When I sit with a client as their coach, I remind myself that I’m not just facilitating a conversation; I’m a partner in the ancient human dance of connection, growth, and becoming. I suppose there is something magical about that — it’s just that science can explain it.

Sources: 

1. Black, H., Rapuano, K., Gu, R., Haidar, S., & Niederhoffer, K. (2023). Client perceptions of effective coaching: An inductively generated framework of effective coaching behaviors from the perspective of coaching clients. BetterUp, Inc.