The Power of Active Listening in Meaningful Coaching: Why Active Listening is the Most Essential Coaching Competency

Of all the foundational coaching competencies identified by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), listening is arguably the most essential. For me, listening is far more than a coaching competency, it’s been a throughline of my own professional life. As both an executive coach and a communication studies professor, I’ve spent years teaching, researching, and facilitating conversations about how people understand each other. And yet, I keep learning: listening is not a skill you check off a list. It’s something you practice, reexamine, and recommit to every day.

Listening demonstrates presence. And yet it is one communication skill that truly needs constant honing. When I ask people who consider themselves to be good listeners to objectively assess their listening skills and habits using tools such as the free Active Listening Self-Assessment, they are often surprised to learn where they fall short. This is especially true when they slip into habitual traps like selective attention or the mental preparation of responses.

Many good communicators assume they are listening well when, in fact, they are preparing to respond, defend, or redirect. I am no exception! Coaching helped me become more conscious of these habits in myself, and more deliberate about staying fully present.

How Active Listening Can Enhance Coaching

I now teach listening not as a soft skill, but as a disciplined practice. The International Listening Association defines active listening as “the process of receiving, constructing meaning, and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.”

This definition highlights three key behaviors:

• Co-creation of meaning by working with clients to build understanding together.
• Demonstrating presence through nonverbal cues. Your body language speaks before you do!
• Reflecting the speaker’s meaning while inviting clarification through questions — mirror first, then explore.

The practice of active listening fosters trust, empathy, reflective learning, deepens inquiry, and supports sustainable change. This practice is critical in coaching because it creates a space for meaningful disclosure. It takes only a few intentional moments of silence, paraphrasing, or tone mirroring for clients to feel safe enough to share deeper concerns, whether about identity, purpose, fear, transition, or change. This kind of listening presence not only facilitates psychological safety but empowers clients to access insights they may not yet have fully formed.

When we listen deeply, we’re attuned to both what is said and what is withheld. That creates room for powerful questions, the kind that help clients uncover hidden assumptions, reframe stuck thinking, and catalyze new revelation.

One technique a coach can use is to stick to a clear agenda. In a coaching session, that’s not always easy. When a client shares something painful, the urge to offer reassurance can arise; or, when they express confusion, the desire to clarify. But over time I’ve learned that if I can pause and either reflect or hold space silently, clients often arrive at breakthroughs on their own. A client once said, “You didn’t say much, but something about how you waited helped me figure it out.” That’s the power of presence and active listening.

Active listening can enhance another ICF foundational coaching competency — asking questions. A question can become more impactful when it emerges from truly listening. When a client feels that they tend to respond in kind, with greater honesty.

Try This Sequence

Instead of preparing your next question while the client speaks, practice this sequence:

1. Listen fully to their complete thought.
2. Pause for 2-3 seconds after they finish.
3. EITHER then reflect back what you heard using phrasing like: “It sounds like…” “What I’m hearing is…” “Let me reflect that back to you…” “Just to make sure I’m hearing you right…”

And then ask something like: “What’s most important about that for you?” “Why does that matter so much right now?” “What’s at the heart of that for you?” “How does this align with who you are?”

  OR

Hold silence until the client speaks.

The Ripple Effects: How Listening Skills Extend Beyond Coaching

Active listening and empathy are deeply entwined. Being listened to without judgment is, for many, a rare and healing experience. When coaches model that empathic, nonjudgmental presence, it signals that the coaching relationship is truly collaborative.

More than one client has mentioned that they have learned how to listen more deeply in their personal and professional relationships because they felt so deeply heard in a coaching session. Yes, the ripple effects of attentive listening can extend far beyond coaching sessions! When we model to clients how to listen, they can become better colleagues, leaders, and interpersonal communicators. I’ve seen clients report more authentic relationships, better team dynamics, and even improved conflict resolution — all sparked by feeling heard. Our listening doesn’t stop at the client; it echoes outward.

My approach to coaching often takes a systems perspective, and what strikes me is how coaching ripples out. One client, after a few sessions, told me she had started to intentionally pause in meetings to make space for quieter voices. “I realized I had been listening for efficiency,” she said, “not for meaning.” That distinction — shifting from getting things done to truly understanding others — stayed with me!

Active listening can shape how we ask powerful questions. I’ve found that how I ask questions while coaching can be enhanced by active listening. This, of course, extends beyond coaching: one of the most common takeaways from the communication workshops I’ve led for university administrators, nonprofit leaders, and educators is how much more powerful a question becomes when it is asked by an attendee and grows directly out of something the speaker has just shared. This signals curiosity and attention. And this offers a valuable lesson for coaches, as when clients feel that kind of attention from a coach, they tend to respond in kind, with greater honesty and engagement.

When actively listening, cultural and contextual nuance matter. Clients bring a wide range of cultural identities, experiences, and communication norms to the coaching relationship. Listening actively requires sensitivity to these differences, especially when clients express themselves in ways shaped by cultural or linguistic context. Effective coaches listen with openness and humility, recognizing that meaning is always co-constructed.

I believe cultural awareness is something all coaches should actively practice in coaching and in listening. I’ve worked with students and professionals from different ethnic, racial, and generational backgrounds. What I’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, is that assumptions are listening-blockers. What sounds like a pause to me may be a sign of deep respect in another context or culture. A soft-spoken comment might carry more emotional weight than a long monologue. I now make it a point to ask, “How would you like me to respond?” or “Would it help if I reflected back what I heard?” These small questions often invite deeper connection and minimize misunderstanding.

Listening Is a Practice, Not Perfection

We all slip back into old habits. I still catch myself nodding too quickly or thinking ahead. But noticing these moments is part of the practice. We can’t listen perfectly, but we can listen better. And when we do, we create the kind of presence that makes transformation possible. Listening is not just a core competency; it’s also a core value. It’s how I build trust in classrooms, coaching relationships, and collaborative teams. And it’s how coaching moves from transaction to transformation.

And it’s something I hope to keep getting better at, not because it makes me a better coach, but because it makes me a more thoughtful human being. So, before your next session, take a breath. Make space. And listen — not for what to say next, but for what your client might discover in the silence.

Before Your Next Session: A Quick Listening Check

• Am I preparing to listen, or preparing to respond?
• What assumptions am I bringing about this client?
• How will I signal my full presence from the moment we connect?