How Behavioral Patterns can be Exaggerated Under Stress

My friends and family would tell you I’m typically a very calm, laid-back person. That is, until I’m triggered and experiencing emotions of uncertainty, anxiety or panic. Then my behavioral style looks more like that of a lion.  

Recently, my mother sustained a fall and was unable to get to the phone. I became worried when she didn’t return my calls and on day three, I went into command mode. I instructed the police to break into her home immediately! Many would say I pivoted from kitten to lion in under a second. What was underlying this big change in my behavior?  It was a sudden change in routine and being faced with something unpredictable. 

Recognizing and Adapting to Behavioral Style Tendencies is a Communication Superpower 

There are four broadly accepted behavioral styles that are represented by observable behavioral tendencies. We each exhibit a blend of these based on what we believe the situation, environment or relationship calls for. They may have slightly different names, but we can recognize them if we pay attention to the observable verbal, visual and vocal cues.   

In brief, the styles are Dominant, Influence, Supportive, Conscientious. 

Graphic used with permission from Assessments 24×7

• Dominant or direct style may appear fast-paced and task-oriented.  
• Influence or promoting style may appear fast-paced and people-oriented.  
• Supportive style may appear slower-paced and people-oriented.  
• Conscientious or analytical/thinker style may appear slower-paced and task-oriented.  

Behavioral Styles Under Stress or in Crisis 

Our natural behavioral tendencies or patterns can be exaggerated under stress or even change in crisis. In my situation, I experienced a physical burst of the stress hormone cortisol and an emotional roller coaster of feelings from fear to guilt. I didn’t immediately recognize I’d been emotionally hijacked.  

When experiencing elevated levels of stress, we often try to deny it, suppress it, manage it or deflect it onto the person or situation we believe is “responsible.” Each behavioral style has its own unproductive, but typical manner of “offloading” stress. This can negatively impact our relationships and well-being.  

Too often we ignore our emotions. When under elevated levels of stress, this situation is exasperated.  

Our behaviors may appear highly unusual to others. What’s important to recognize is those extremes are perpetrated by an unspoken need or value. We might observe: 

• The dominant style as being more dictatorial or even abrasive in order to maintain a sense of control. 
• The influence style as seemingly superficial, disregarding the source of stress, perhaps criticizing it, when feeling a lack of connection.  
• The supportive style appearing more passive or hesitant, struggling with heightened uncertainty, lack of safety and security. Supportive styles often bottle their emotions, which can show up as a big response when their patience is tried.  
• The conscientious style being more withdrawn or slower to act, over reliant on data or research; longing to make the right decision but lacking desired assurance. 

It’s important to recognize the emotion we are experiencing as information. We can use this information to gain a broader perspective. Many of us generalize stress or anger as a catch–all feeling. Don’t stop there. Dig deeper to identify the underlying stressor. Is the “stress” fear of loss of security, for example? What is the need or value that is not being met?  

Recognizing how different styles may manifest gives us insight to ways we can acknowledge and meet the needs and be more empathetic toward ourselves and others.  

Stress is part of the human condition; a certain level is even beneficial. The true opportunity is to recognize and productively channel the energy.  

3 Things We can Do 

We can recognize our own behavioral tendencies and identify what is driving them. This allows us to more readily recognize our emotions and thoughts as well as to manage our needs and actions.  

Pause and ask:  

• What am I feeling (name it to tame it)? 
• What need is not being met? 
• What can I do? 

Harness the emotional energy of the stress or crisis by using these tactics to move forward: 

• Identify what’s personally important to you.  
• Set just one or two priorities to work on.  
• Share your feelings with a trusted confidant. 
• Practice self-care. 

Notice the behavioral cues of others and when they are exhibiting signs of stress or crisis. Acknowledge what you are noticing. Help them identify the need that may be lacking such as assurance, control, connection or a sense of security, and how to productively satisfy it.  

Tuning into the visual, verbal and vocal cues of others and adapting our style is a communication superpower. Leverage it today.